We can't go on together... with you not on the show.

I'm ready to call this competition for Ramiele Mulabay right here and now. Here's why:

1. She's Filipina and she's very short. What? No one of even remotely Asian heritage or "cute" stature has ever won on this show, and if you believe Idol is, if not entirely rigged, ferociously manipulative of its viewers, which I do, you can't deny that a Ramiele win would fill an available spot on the mantle of Idol winners. And if you subscribe to the theory that the producers don't want a winner too similar in type to any previous winner, which I do, that eliminates basically everyone else.
2. She has the voice of a big black lady. And seeing as there are no big black ladies or other tiny Filipina girls who sing like big black ladies left in the competition, she's going inherit all of those potential votes, and sing all of those potential big black lady songs that Idol so loves. Seriously. Who else is going to corner the Aretha market at this point... Brooke White?
3. She has exactly the kind of middle-of-the-road, not-too-anything personality that sells well on this show. She's nice but not unctuous. She's attractive but not sexy. She's fun-loving but not funny. She's distinguishable in a crowd but not Garrett Haley. Also, she was the sobbiest of sobbers for her new friends during eliminations tonight, which we all know rakes in good will like nothing else. This type of demeanor, this "off-putting to NO ONE" thing would be a disadvantage if she couldn't sing well. But she can. So she is going to win.

Unfortunately, my prognosticating this week for my office's Idol pool was less than stellar, and I only got half of the eliminations right. I picked Kady Malloy instead of Joanne Borgella, and Jason Yeager instead of Colton Berry. What did I do wrong? Obviously underestimated a) the badness of Joanne's peformance and b) the power of having a child who may be retarded in the audience. My bad. Of course Jason Yeager will probably make the top three even if he continues to sing the world's cheesiest songs while sitting on a stool and sporting the male version of Amanda Overmeyer's hairdo. Awesome. Can't wait.

Meanwhile, I am so pissed that Colton got voted off that I am going to just continue writing about the show as if he's still on it, as that is the only way I can bring myself to continue watching. Colton was great tonight! I can't wait till he comes over later and we give each other makeovers. I like his bangs better sideswept than slicked back, amIright?