SYTYCD: Four Unintentionally Hilarious Dances

So, I was thinking I'd celebrate the return of the best show in the world by providing a few video clips of what are, in my esteem, some of the best and worst dances in all three seasons of the show. Then I scrapped that idea because frankly, there are too many "best" dances, and even the "worst" dances are still good... especially to someone like me, whose dancing best resembles the Hamburgular trying to make a break for it.

What SYTYCD has in spades, however, are routines that are not necessarily bad but are unintentionally laugh out loud funny. Intentionally funny routines do not qualify for this distinction, so Tranji didn't make the cut. Here are my Top Four Unintentionally Hilarious Dances:

4. "Push It," Sara and Danny, Season 3
This routine got totally panned on the show. It wasn't actually bad, but the costuming was pretty cruel. Unintentionally funny because Danny was one of the most stoic, serious performers in that collection of finalists, and watching him do this choreography in this outfit was the same kind of funny you get when you dress a cat in doll clothes. Not that I love doing that.

3. "The Scream Heard 'Round the World," Dmitry, Season 2
This solo was Dmitry's last-ditch effort not to get voted off the show after he had assisted in the elimination of something like four consecutive partners. When this originally aired, Mike and I watched it with our three roommates, and like magic, all five of us let out an exactly pitch-matched squeal at the end. The funniest thing to me in retrospect is that Dmitry rips off his shirt after the music has already ended. Like, "Oh... and THIS!" I love him so much.

2. "Late Night in the J.C. Penney Stockroom," Pasha, Season 3
Okay, so Pasha is a Latin specialist. He usually dances with a partner. I think the intended effect here was "I'll dance with a mannequin so my solo resembles a partner dance." Now, imagine how that would come off in reality: that is exactly how it goes. The whole thing is balls-out ridiculous. Then he does an impromptu roundoff at the end... for no reason.

1. "Flashdance," Ashlee and Ben, Season 2
It's the very first performance show of Season 2, and the most awkward looking couple on the show draws "80s Disco" as their genre. Is that even a genre? And the music is "Flashdance." And it's choreographed by Doriana Sanchez, and accordingly features some of the most copious cunniliftus ever seen. This routine was just so, so mean. Introducing it, even Cat knows we're about to witness an absolute travesty. This is probably one of my favorite routines in all three seasons of the show, because the two of them are such damn good sports about something so pointedy intended to wreak misery on everyone involved. And isn't that what dancing is all about?

Great Moments in Idol History: Hold My Weggy Weggy Lishes

It's that time again, friends! Idol time! And while this season of American Idol won't kick off until exactly one month from today, we thought we'd take these precious days leading up to the premiere to review what are, in our authoritative judgment, some of the greatest moments in Idol history.

Today's highlight...

Let me take you back to season 5, top 12 week. Melissa McGhee has just narrowly beaten Ayla Brown, the far more likeable (and taller! Remember Ayla? She was so tall!) contestant, to the Top 12. Stevie Wonder himself is mentoring, and Melissa has opted to sing Stevie's 1980 masterpiece, "Lately." Immediately, in rehearsal, she sings the wrong lyrics... while looking at the sheet music. Prompting Stevie Wonder himself to ask, "what's wrong witchoo, girl?" without even pretending to be joking. Touché, Stevie.

When performance time comes around, Melissa takes the stage, wearing a dress "for the first time on stage ever," and also for the first time ever, she doesn't suck. It's actually kind of good. Until around (1:35) in the clip below, when she doesn't just fuck up the lyrics. She fucks up the lyrics to the chorus of the song. Repeatedly. Because it is the chorus. Now, forgetting the lyrics happens on Idol all of the time, but usually the offender will do one of two things:

a) Sing lyrics from a different part of the song.
b) Freeze up and sing NOTHING.

What makes this song a Great Moment in Idol History is that Melissa instead chooses to:

c) Sing unintelligible nonsense syllables.

And she does it repeatedly, every time she hits the chorus. What comes out is something along the lines of...

Well, I have many, many wishes
Hold my weggy, weggy lishes...

The second time it kind of sounds like "hope my record is delicious," which is, to her credit, a collection of real words.

Melissa McGhee's Wikipedia entry tells me that post-Idol, "[s]he has sung at various festivals such as Weeki Wachee and the Pet Rock Festival. McGhee also went on tour with Ruben Studdard from October 3rd to 7th."

I have never been to Weeki Wachee, but I like to imagine it as a special ceremony of ridicule and torment for girls who have made Stevie Wonder die a little on the inside.

I'm My Friend Karen!

If you're like me, you've spent many a day in spirited debate with your loved ones over what, if anything, is the best episode of any television show ever. And if you know a thing or two about best episodes, you know that the answer is easily "A Pox in Our House," the episode of Full House where Stephanie Tanner gets the chicken pox and tries to sneak out of the Tanner family quarantine because her dance class is being visited by a "real ballerina" that day.

I've posted the best scene from this best episode below - it's the part where Stephanie, wearing a full disguise, makes a break for it and is eventually caught by Uncle Jesse.

Why is this the best episode of any television show ever? Take your pick... could it be:

• The sheer fact that Stephanie Tanner owns a Stephanie Tanner-sized trenchcoat for the occasions upon which she may need to traipse in cognito through her own home?
• The classic comic styling with which she pigeon-bobs her head while tiptoeing through the kitchen in said trenchcoat?
• The moment where Dannys voice has clearly been overdubbed to cover an accidental silence in the final cut ("Gotta find a babysitter")?
• Stephanie Tanner's brilliant delivery of "I'm my friend Karen!" to explain her trenchcoated presence at the door?
• The not quite identifiable dialect she takes on in intoning "Chiiicken pox? I bettah get out of heah!"?
• The dramatic tossing aside of her hat and glasses while exclaiming "I can't take it anymore! It's me! It's me! ...Stephanie!"?
• The fact that, by the way, Uncle Jesse's last name used to be Cochrane? What happened to that?

No matter what your reasoning on the way there, the conclusion is undeniable - this was the best episode of any television show ever. With the possible exception of that episode of Super Sloppy Double Dare where the girl had to catch as many burritos as possible in the rim of her 4' wide sombrero, while her teammate fired them out of a trebuchet. But come on. We can't all be Olympians.