Before I get to the women just a few quick thoughts on the top 10 gents. Jason Yeager and Luke Menard are totally going home. Poor Jason. When his song started I was rooting for him, as it was clear the producers had physically removed his "special"-weapon son from the audience to curb any sympathy vote. But then Jason went and executed an incredibly awkward dance routine capped off with some weird, spastic, faux-crucifixion move. Hey Jason, William Jennings Bryan called, he wants his final pose back. Hey-oh!
One final note about the guys: I am no longer allowed to talk about David Archuletta. I read Liz's post about his song and totally agreed, in retrospect, about the middling performance. I do however have to stress the "in retrospect" part because here is what I actually wrote down when he was singing:
oh my god. magic! such magic and rainbows! love love love! too good, just too good.
That's right, when David sings I become some bizarre Paula-Abdul-tween-Jonas-Brothers-fan-monster. Honestly, now that I know what it's like to be Paula, I'm kind of jealous she gets to feel that way about everything. While we had to watch Jinay Christine's deer in headlights impression and listen to Carmen Rasmussen's goat vibrato, Paula got rainbows and magic. Lucky bitch.
Anyway, I'm not in Paulaland and actually had to experience last night's ladies so here we go:
Carly Smithson was one of two, yes count 'em two, good performances this week. She was fine, nothing awesome, nothing awful. Her high belt seems really throaty and somewhat small-sounding to me but her hair looked way better this week. Oh also, she wants you to know she's Irish.
Next up is Syesha Mercado who must have heard the rumor that she screams every song she performs because this one is pretty demure. On the downside, Syesha can not sing on pitch unless she is wailing like a banshee so this is terrible. Also, Syesha unleashes an absolutely terrifying impression of a baby crying. I can only assume that next week she will inform the viewing audience that if they do not vote for her she will use that baby-voice to haunt their dreams!
Brooke White gives the other good performance of the night. If you're keeping track that does indeed mean that the next 7 girls in a row suck balls (not literally, Antonella is no longer on this show). She sings "You're so Vain" and it's actually perfect for her. I will again tell Brooke to get herself an IPod commercial ASAP.
"Don't Leave Me This Way" has now been performed over 7,000 times on American Idol, Thanks Ramielle! Ramielle is still singing with Joanne Borgella's voice (bitch must be pissed!), except this time she isn't very good. She looks awkward and sings a lot of wonky notes. On the plus side I'm pretty sure she's besties with Danny Noriega so she's my favorite girl now.
Kristy Lee Cook is up next and, to my delight, when she isn't going out of her way make crazy bug-eyes she looks like French Stewart. She sings on-key but clearly lacks a soul and is a robot which I think should disqualify her from this competition.
Elvira Mistress of the Night sings "Carry On My Wayward Son" and it is a hilarious train wreck (which makes 2 in a row from our favorite nurse). She appears to be wearing plastic chaps over what I can only assume are patent leather underpants, her hair is, as Gaston would say, "roughly the size of a barge", she does the Elaine Bennis dance several times, and she sounds horrible. It is, quite possibly, the greatest thing I have ever seen on this show.
My Nemesis Alaina Whitaker (yes that is her full name) wants us to to know she's a spoiled bitch. Seriously. She talks about how she can't eat different foods with the same fork or let her foods touch each other. I hate her. She is not as good this week as she was last week, thank god. Simon says she's a "dark horse" and I agree but only in the sense that I want her to be euthanized and turned into glue.
Poor, poor Alexandreah Lushington. You could totally tell that she knows they only brought her to the final 24 to be an easy elimination. They probably forced her to sing that crappy song too. I voted for her a bunch just to stick it to the man. Also, she looks like the love-child of Rudy Huxtable and Sporty Spice. Go Alexandrea!
Kady Malloy clearly made her dress in art class when she was in 2nd grade. She sounds really bad, but surprisingly good in a clip of her singing opera. She's gone, goooooooooone.
We close the night with Asia'H Epperson, who I will affectionately refer to as "The H" from now on (both because of her name and because of the bizarre "h"-less cockney accent she adopts when she sings). Right away I'm disappointed when The H discontinues her bid to become the next Eliza Doolittle by actually saying the letter "h". LAME. Then she proceeds to suck. Latoya London killed this song in season 3, back when the girls were talented...I'm going to go cry now.
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