Idol's Top 4: What Would Rosa Parks Sing?

Tonight, Ryan's hair is coiffed into an incredibly pronounced diving board, and Randy is wearing the type of shirt that a man only wears after he has lost a bet. Seriously, he looks like a mannequin in the window of Big & Tall For The Utterly Garish Homeboy.

Ryan introduces the top 4, and explains that "they've learned the hard way that song selection is everything." Correct me if I'm wrong, but these particular kids haven't been sent home yet, so aren't they kind of... the definition of those who have not had to learn this lesson the hard way?

Meanwhile, at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland (Hi, Floyd!), we learn that David Cook is the pastiest man alive, in case anyone was unsure of that.

Cook, wearing a red deep v-neck t-shirt (that I swear he stole from Oprah), explains that he will be singing "Hungry Like the Wolf." It's lame. I really hate to say this, but you know who I really think I would have enjoyed on this song? Blake Lewis. "Hungry Like the Wolf" is kind of a boring song, and Cook does pretty much nothing with it. In fact, did that even happen?

Syesha gives a little interview about how she's excited for the tour, which she pronounces with two syllables: too-er. She's going to sing "Proud Mary." Well, good tos ee that no one will be stepping outside of their little boxes this evening. She starts off strong, and holy calf muscles! Go rewind the show to the beginning of this song, and check out those puppies. Okay, then she keeps singing, and then... OMG DANCE MOVES! That's what my notes say there. I kind of love this. Not because it's the best dancing ever, but because it comes off like she has seriously thought about this, and practiced exactly what she was going to do and when, at scheduled times each day, every day leading up to this performance. Syesha being incredibly intentional is just as hilarious and adorable as Brooke being incredibly unintentional. I love it.

There is a sign in the audience that says "Don't be shy, vote for Syesha." This makes next to no sense. Like, in what way is that a play on words? "Don't be a douchebag, vote for David Cook." That would be my sign, if I were in the audience. Because both of those things start with D.

Jason will be singing "I Shot the Sheriff." For what it's worth, it's a lot better than his last few performances, but it's still not interesting enough to stop me from idly checking my work email while he's singing. Afterward, Randy is a buffoon. Truthfully, Jason was no less memorable on this song than Cook was on his. Simon then uses the words "atrocious" and "massacre" to describe it, and the whole thing is really uncomfortable, with Simon and Randy generally acting pissed off about Jason's existence. I have no freaking time for this, guys, because I have been pissed off about Jason's existence since Week Two! It's not fair to pull this now, when you spent the first half of this show blubbering about how you could feel his soul and how great and authentic is it that he can't sing. I also sensed some weird Bob Marley disgust from the panel on this one, which is possibly interesting in the racially charged context of tonight's show.

David Archuleta describes "Stand By Me" as a song he likes to sing to himself in his room, you know, before Daddy lets him out for his daily calisthenics. Both interview segments from Archie tonight are massively creepy in that way. Now, picture the way David Archuleta would sing "Stand By Me" - that's how David Archuleta sings "Stand By Me." In critique, Paula reminds us that he's 17, which only creeps me out further because when I was 17, I was in college, and... look at this kid.

Oh good, we're back around to the start. Cook, please do something good. Earlier today I was looking at the list of 500 songs and joking that someone should do "Baba O'Riley" because there are minute-and-a-half stretches with no lyrics whatsoever, and guess what! That's what Cook's doing. He gives a totally respectable performance, doing everything he should have done with the first song. The only thing that's weird about it is at the end, where there should be some shouting and then a guitar solo, there's just one lone shout and then the song ends abruptly. I bet the studio recording of this one is going to be awesome, though.

Syesha is going to sing "A Change is Gonna Come." She explains that the civil rights movement was a very pivotal time in history, and she is singing this song during a very pivotal time in her journey on American Idol.

I'm just gonna let that one marinate for a little while.

It was so utterly amazing, that Mike is absolutely right, her kind of mirthful derangement belongs squarely in the Tyraverse. But then she sings the song, and she's the best, and Randy is a total moron, and Paula and Simon disagree, and Syesha sobs mightily and totally loses her shit, and that right there is HOW IT'S DONE, PEOPLE. That may have just been one of my favorite moments on this show, ever. There are so many things about this season that are supposed to be exciting, or different, or matter in some way, and right now the only thing that has truly captured my attention is watching one Syesha Mercado ferociously clawing her way into the finale.

Moving right along. Jason attributes "Mr. Tambourine Man" to Bob Dylan, then forgets half the words. He sounds like a subway musician on this song, and not even one of the good ones - if he were here in Boston they'd totally only let him play on the orange line. Again, Jason ruins the last note. You know, jumping an octave on your final note is not a requirement for these songs, in fact, they're not even written that way, so why do you keep doing it if you're not capable?

Archie is now going to sing a romantic love song. Oh noes! I completely tuned out during the song, but afterward Randy says he liked how Archie was "so tender and caressed each word," and I'm sorry, that sentence contains two words that I never, ever want to hear in conjunction with David Archuleta. I need to have my brain Windexed. Seriously. Disgusting. Let's not talk about it ever again.

Well, some surprising stuff tonight. I like to think Cook can escape getting Daughtry'd because his fans know better, but the other three contestants each created emergent situations for themselves tonight. I hope America has the mercy to put Jason out of his misery, I would be delighted with a shocking Archuleta elimination, and if Syesha goes home I may have an emotional breakdown of Danny-Noriega's-elimination proportions. What hath God wrought!?