Idol Top 3: SABOTAGE!!!

Tonight on Idol, despite Randy Jackson and the Idol producers' best efforts, Syesha Mercado was the best performer of the night. They gave her a song that she HAD to sing like Alicia Keys, they gave her a song that is impossible to perform well (some crap soundtrack song from a movie about penguins!), and they threw her under the bus right at the beginning of the show when they called David Archuleta a "high school student" and Syesha Mercado "an actress". I'm sorry, but in what bizarre world is David A some out-of-nowhere, aw shucks high school student and Syesha is this successful actress just trying out this whole singing thing for a bit. It's wrong!

Anyway, lets' get through this abortion that was once the best show on TV. As I mentioned they started out the show saying David A was a "high school student", David C was a "bartender", and Syesha was an actress. This should have been my first hint that the night was designed to screw over my favorite little underdog, Ms. Mercado. David Archuleta has been designed for this show. His father has raised him not as a human being but as a potential American Idol Contestant. To say hes just a high school student is basically a lie designed to excuse what will be a horrible night of performances.

So David A starts out the night and sings what is basically my favorite song of all-time, "And So it Goes" by Billy Joel. On the plus side he is not Carmen Rasmussen, who, in her defense, WAS Carmen Rasmussen. On the downside he ruins this song. He skips all the important heartbreaking lyrics like "But If my silence made you leave/Then that would be my worst mistake/So I will share this room with you/And you can have this heart to break." He instead just riffs the words "and so it goes" over, and over, and over again. It is as if he was trying as hard as possible to avoid any real emotional connection with the song, and simultaneously make me commit sepuku. Grade: FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU.

Next up is successful actress Syesha Mercado. Randy chose "If I Ain't got You" by Alicia Keys and Syesha sings it really, really well. The only problem is it's a boring song that you pretty much have to sing like Alicia Keys. I'm sure the produces were pumped when Randy picked such a shitty song since they hate her anyway. Whatever, Syesha sang it much better than she did when she was on that other reality show a few years ago and sang the same song. Also she seems a little more personable this week. Oh one more thing! I know Syesha had a rally with tons of people just like Archuletta, I saw the pics, so why didn't they show it? Why does Archuleta get to hear his song choice from Yosemite Sam and Syesha just gets it texted to her in a limo...by herself. I'll tell you why, SABOTAGE!! Grade: A for Syesha; F- for American Idol

David Cook sings "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" which is a brilliant choice by Simon because its totally something David can change up. David sings it really well. I liked it. I have nothing else to say about David but Randy says, "I wish Simon didn't pick something so predictable. It was so old-fashioned and you're a rocker." How is a Roberta Flack song for David C predictable? I'm sorry, did they change the definition of precitable? Ok, I just looked it up and no, no they have not changed the meaning of that word. Grade: A-for David C; F- for Randy

Next we get to the most hilarious part of the night. David A sings "With You" by Chris Brown. He uses the phrase "my boo" a bunch and fucks up all the lyrics to the only verse of the song he sings (but does manage to say something about having a hott little body). He bounces awkwardly while singing, it's a hilarious train wreck. Also, this marks the third time this season David has messed up the words, so I was sure the judges would finally say SOMETHING about it. I was wrong, they don't mention it at all! WTF!! Grade: A for Awesomely Awful

Syesha is up next and sings "Fever" and its is HOTT. Seriously, the way she sang the final note made me like girls for a second, it was that sexy. She looks AMAZING, uses a chair as a prop, and moves like a pro.. It's great...the judges hate it. After weeks of telling her they love it when she does stagy numbers they rip her apart...for doing a stagy number. SABOTAGE!!! Grade: A+ (seriously that last "burn" is giving me manly urges).

David C sings a Switchfoot song for his second choice. It's pretty lame. He doesn't sing the verse particularly well. It's boring. Gade: B

For the producers choice David A is singing Dan Fogelbergs "Longer". It's my parents wedding song, and, in their defense, this song sounds way less lame when it's sung by a hippie with a guitar. Because, let's be honest, this is awwwwfuuullll. David does sound very nice though, I'll give him that. Grade: Please let this be mediocre enough for David to go home.

In the final, and biggest, injustice of the night the producers chose a song for Syesha that is completely un-singable. It's some techno crap song with no melody that would, in real life, be sung by some no-talent hack like Cascada. It is in no way conducive to live performance in a singing competition and was meant solely to facilitate an All-David-Finale. It's from the frakkin' Happy Feet soundtrack! Grade: I am on strike and refuse to write any more about this season.